I have entered this season that is filled with swirling emotions....emotions that can cripple you or lift you up like you're sitting on top of a geyser.
My husband keeps telling me to relax.....you can't let this control you, ....but it does.
For the last two years this holiday season has brought a complete change to our lives....to Maya....especially to Maya....to my husband and to myself. Two years ago, on Christmas Eve day, Maya presented with her first psychotic break.....even the terminology strikes fear into your heart, you don't want to say it too loud because people stare and take a mental step back...like you've just announced you have leprosy or the big news talk...Ebola.
Since then, she's had five more....all taking place in the fall/winter season...three in one, three in the other ......last January she started a new medication...no not anti psychotics but anti depressants.....she also takes numerous nutritional vitamins and supplements....every morning....and every morning....she has her energy light on for fifteen minutes.....every evening she takes her special yellow capsule plus a Benadryl to aid in her sleep. Every three months she gets a hormone injection...yes, I answer her question...it is a form of birth control but that's not why you take it...you take it to keep the hormone levels....level......as this illness , as well as seemingly being affected by the lack of sunlight is also affected by fluctuating hormone levels.
She keeps somewhat busy......she volunteers at the retirement home where my mother resides.....twice a week....she goes there and leads them in bingo, helps set and clears tables , pours tea and coffee....talks to the residents....I was there the other day when one of the residents greeted her with a smile and some joking banter....they like her there....she's a likeable kid....
Kid....she's not really a kid...next April she will be 23..... And she keeps pushing on....driving herself to her weekly guitar lesson, driving to the local ice rink where they've hired her to do the time keeping on a few games...they pay her, she's thrilled.
A week and a half ago, my mom had a fall at the retirement home...for a week ( after a visit to the emergency department, we thought that her ribs were just bruised...painful yes, but recoverable)...but the follow up appointment at her family doctor , a week later revealed a compression fracture in one of her vertebrae in her lower spine. Now we know why she can barely move!
A conference gathering between my older sister, husband and I, and my youngest brother and his wife....scheduled out a plan....a plan of who could be with mom...to help her....for the times we couldn't , they asked if Maya could...it was mentioned that moms sister would pay for Maya to do this.....Maya was pleased to do that, so, a few afternoons a week , the plan is for her to be a companion to her grandmother....
This Christmas Eve we have a plan to change things up! Maya is afraid that Christmas Eve triggers her illness....usually every Christmas Eve we attend a service at the church...come home....have a story, have some prayer time...they hang their stockings and go to bed....this year...our plan is to go out for some supper...somewhere inexpensive....and then drive down to the waterfront to see all the Christmas light display....the stockings will have been hung weeks previous....when our tree goes up and is decorated....it's still a plan in the making but I will do anything that I can think of to keep Maya mentally with us and get her through this Christmas season......anything.
Almost every night, my husband prays that Maya will stay healthy, every thot and prayer, that this year will be different.
So, there is a plan....whether it's a successful plan...obviously time will tell....as I sit and hand quilt a new baby quilt, I think and pray for this wee tiny grand daughter that we anticipate meeting around the end of January.....I also can't help but think of the tiny grand daughter we buried this last August and how she won't be spending her first Christmas with us.....my heart rejoices and is saddened at the same time!
I am grateful this season that so far, my husbands Crohn's disease is in remission.....I pray that it stays that way for a very long, long time....like forever would be nice but the doctors would pat me on the head and say...nice dream Marie.....
We think ahead to next year....new grand baby, new daughter in law....Sara and Paul have set their date for May, perhaps Maya will finally be able to get a 'real' job as she calls it....one where she gets paid....oh, how she misses getting paid....a special holiday that hubby has been planning and saving for a year now....it's top secret!
It's a year to look forward to...to be sure.....now we just have to get thru the next few months!
Location:It's been awhile....