Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Two Daves

I have two brothers in law named Dave.....it gets a little tricky talking about them at family gatherings....one is married to my sister, Adele and one is the twin brother of my husband. When my kids ask about them we usually have to qualify who we're talking about by adding their last name....and in the last few months we've had to qualify it in our prayers.....

For the last few years we've prayed for this guy, this Dave , who I saw at the same time as I saw my hubby for the first time.....he was loud and boisterous and most people gravitated towards him because he was the life of the party....I chose the quiet one. :-)







The two brothers last January after hubby's surgery


Dave and his wife Joan


Last week, on Thanksgiving Day......


As you can see by the last picture, David isn't doing very well....a few years back he had surgery on his liver...the doctors thought, at the time , that it was cancer, it wasn't.....but when they opened him up, they found the bile duct twisted, and part of the liver destroyed...they did what they could and put him on a list for a liver transplant. The trouble is, we've since found out....you have to be really, really sick before they put you on the active transplant list....as you can see by the Thanksgiving picture , David is really, really sick....he is on the active list....we keep praying every night that he will soon receive a new liver. It's been a long battle for him and his wife Joan. Battling isn't new for David though....a number if years ago David's first wife, Frannie died from cancer, that horrible disease that attacks all people, of all ages....that, too, was a hard road.....

For years we've been praying for the health of hubby's brother Dave...but this past June, we had a rude jolt when our other brother in law Dave became ill. It started with pain in his back, the doctor suggested many things, exrays were taken...the radiologist confirmed it was something else....they were all wrong and in two short weeks sister Adele and her husband Dave had their world turned upside down...a world where they had already scheduled great holiday plans for the summer...the trailer was ready, the canoe, the bikes...all the camping sites booked, their twice a year trip down to Sanibel Island for the fall, their cruise next spring.....all cancelled...because, you see, the doctors were wrong....it wasn't a pinched nerve, it wasn't a swollen disc, it wasn't just extreme constipation....it was cancer....so advanced that it took your breath away.

Dave was in the hospital for a few weeks when they decided to bring him home. The family room was cleared out, a hospital bed set up, a wheel chair brought in....one of the severe consequences of the cancer fractured his spine...he was a paraplegic ....a daily round of palliative doctors, nurses, personal support workers, case managers...became their life.....twice he would be hospitalized with a severe urinary track infection from the catheter he was required to have....

My sister has worked tirelessly to care for her husband, yes,....they've had help but the bulk of it has fallen to her because as I said in my last post....where else would she be.....this past week, things have rapidly deteriorated. Before, except for him being in a hospital bed or wheel chair...he was still same old Dave...he was always a talker, and anyone that visited...and they had visitors daily ( he was a very popular person!) conversation never lagged, it was never difficult to visit...Dave always carried the conversation...you could really fool yourself into believing that this wasn't really happening.....BUT IT WAS, and IS.....Dave has taken a significant turn, just last week we were able to get him out to the local coffee shop...a place he loved to go with my mom and his wife....We all knew, even Dave did, that it would be his last.....a worker told her yesterday that Dave should be in hospice care.....he is sleeping a lot, and when he's awake he is confused...he has moments of rationality but they are becoming less and less. My sister is worn out, exhausted.....time is passing quickly .

This same worker told my sister that it would be difficult but that she had to hand the caregiver role over, that she just needed to become a wife again.

I thought about those words, the more I thought , the more I disagreed....in everything that Adele has done for Dave, she has been his wife...whether it was making special food to encourage him to eat, washing his body and yes even changing his diaper....she has been his wife....something that she committed to over forty five years ago....they agreed all those years ago to be helpmates to one another....and she has been and will be.....so, even if he goes into hospice....that will not change.


Adele and Dave...in happier times


Last week at Tim Hortons with my mom....








With two of his grandchildren....he adores them...he has four...all with a special place in his heart....


Two Daves....two godly men, who love The Lord..... Who have been a great witness to family and friends....who have made a tremendous impact on all who have come in contact with them.....

I sat with Adele's Dave yesterday, while Adele had a nap ( sleep has been scarce) ....I sat and watched him breathe....the impact of the moment is heavy on your chest.

These two Daves, yes, they've been my brothers in law for over forty-five years but I would argue with you that there is no 'in law' status here...they are just brothers. Good, solid brothers.....fighting a fight.....

We are praying that hubby's brother's liver comes soon....and as for sisters' hubby.....

You have fought the good fight, the battle is almost o'er....

Well Done....Good and Faithful Servant.

We will see you again.



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